“It’s not personal, it’s just business.” The quiet engine behind toxic leadership
Here’s the thing about the phrase “It’s not personal, it’s just business” — every time I hear it, especially in Brussels, a small alarm goes off in my psychologist brain.
Because Brussels has its own local version of this sentence. A softer, more diplomatic, more institutional shrug:
“This is just how things work in Brussels.”
If you’ve been here long enough, you’ve heard it used to justify just about anything:
Restructuring? “This is Brussels.” Endless short-term contracts? “This is Brussels.” Burnout cycles? “This is Brussels.” Policy-first, people-last decisions? “Well… this is Brussels.”
It’s the capital’s very own emotional numbing device — a polite way to distance ourselves from the real human consequences of our decisions. But here’s the secret psychologists know:
Whenever a system normalises emotional distance, toxicity finds room to grow. We say “it’s not personal” to avoid discomfort. We say “this is Brussels” to avoid responsibility.
Both phrases serve the same purpose: They protect leaders from feeling the weight of impact — and that’s exactly where the trouble begins.
Work (in Brussels) is deeply personal
We pretend that decisions made in the name of “policy,” “efficiency,” or “Europe’s competitiveness” are somehow neutral. But nothing about work in this city is neutral.
People cross countries, cultures, and comfort zones to build a life here. People stay late, think about work in the shower, show up to events on weekends, onboard new colleagues as if their success depends on it—because it does. Not because it’s “just business,” but because work shapes livelihood, identity, and dignity. Then when someone is let go, or sidelined, or burned out, they’re told:
“Don’t take it personally.”
“It’s the procedure.”
“This is Brussels.”
But rent is personal. So is belonging, our motivation, our dignity. The problem isn’t organisational change or realizing a mismatch too late. The problem is the casual dismissal of its impact.
When leaders use “just business” as a shield, they train themselves to disconnect from the people they lead. And disconnection—not malice—is where toxicity starts. Emotional distance quietly becomes the operating system.
When policy becomes the goal… people become collateral.
Brussels runs on procedures, frameworks, KPIs, consultations, dashboards, and compliance. All useful, necessary. And all potentially dehumanising when misused.
You hear it daily:
“We have to follow the process.”
“It’s how the institution works.”
“We’ve always done it this way.”
Policies were invented to serve people — not for organizations to hide behind them. In this city, many leaders unintentionally become administrators of systems rather than leaders of humans. Toxic leadership rarely begins with a toxic personality. It begins when the process becomes more sacred than people.
So what does people-centric leadership look like, realistically?
Here are some thoughts:
Know your people before you try to manage them.
Hard decisions don’t mean you give people an emotional frostbite.
A procedure should protect people—not excuse behaviour.
Toxicity thrives where authority goes unchecked.
Good intentions don’t erase the harm felt on the other side.
People-first leadership is rigorous, adult, emotionally literate leadership. It understands that discomfort is the entrance fee to integrity.
Decisions will always need to be made. But leaders must remember: those decisions land in real lives. Every email, tone, absence, silence—each one sends a signal.
“It’s not personal, it’s just business” was invented to help leaders bypass discomfort.
But if we want healthier organisations—here in Brussels and beyond—we need leaders who can say: “It is personal. And that’s exactly why I’ll lead differently.”
P.S.
A few people liked my last little leadership reflection, which unfortunately means my wife is now insisting I put our home conversations into writing. So here we are again. If you enjoy it, blame her. If it annoys you… still blame her.
